Something To Make You Smile

Hi everybody
Hope everyone's Saturday is going ok. I thought I'd post this funny that was sent to me. It made me smile this morning so I thought it might make someone else smile.
If there is a problem with content then email me and remove please.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
>
> Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
> "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
> "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her
> "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading"
> "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
> "For reading a book," she replies,
> "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again,
> "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing I'm reading"
> "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
> "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
> "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
> "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
> "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
>
> MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

So cute! So true! Thanks for the laughter... Can I copy content to others?


Mohala, I haven't had time to check out the site yet but it looks pretty cool, and I'd like to support it. Re: your "THANKFULLNESS" message, further suggestions??? I'll check back on this page a bit later or tomorrow. Till then,


I suggest everybody read and re-read funny stuff until the smile is a habit

Shamashe

That is so darn funny.

She got him good. I love it.

Also, Shamashe...please feel free to join as a member and take part in our monthly contests. We are thrilled to have you.



(How'd I do? Typing with out my glasses?)



__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

You are funny Trina
Where's your glasses? At least you could see to type I can't see the screen if I don't have my readers on I guess it comes with age. And Im not old yet, even though somtimes it feels like it (lol) And yes Shamashe you should join the site. It's really nice and relaxing here.
~Mohala~

Without my glasses I can only make out blur. I had them when I read the story but I went and did something and came back to comment and did not have them. I just did the best I could. I'm pretty good with my keyboard, thank goodness. lol

Best laugh I have had in awhile! LOL
Thanks, Candy

Hey Trina, so is that why the My Razzle's type is so big and fuzzy I had Lasik eye surgery years ago and went from really near sighted to pretty much normal sight, but with age, I now have to wear those readers and also distance to drive - my head is so confused now ... But the really humbling thing is when I need glasses to find my several pairs of glasses! Oh Well!


P.S. what is your mechanism for setting up the picture and all that. I haven't checked out this sight enough to find out - thought

LOL...yes, probably. LOL

Shamashe, you sign up as a member and then it will take you to your own page. On that page it will say Avatar on the left hand side. You click on that and upload what ever image you would like to use.

Then, you also have access to private messaging and the white board.


__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

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__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

Hair Removal....

This is funny. (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this, but.... WHAT A HOOT!) All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the wax. Read on.........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... must stay conscious Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip... it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented

myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!

It works !!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE....... ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

I thought this one was to funny not to post. And Im telling you I needed a good laugh today. I hope this one makes someone else laugh also. If the content is to mature please remove.

It's nice to be able to read or see something funny each day. Thanks Trina I needed to laugh today. Keep them coming and I will do the same.

That is to much! LOL

She has luck like me, I swear. I could almost feel her pain...ouch. Holy cow.
If that doesn't get you laughing nothing will. Sooooo Funny.






__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively
mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"


__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

Good one Trina. To cute and funny. I could see that little boys face with his eyes all big. lol

Hope this will make you laugh. Gotta love kids for their expressions sometimes.

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second
grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell
is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish
they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday.
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a
seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her I amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this..' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

WHEN I AM AN OLD LADY...

I will live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had from each girl and boy.

I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor;
Run in and out without closing the door.



I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed.
Whenever they scold me, I'll just hang my head.




I'll run and I'll romp, and always fritter away
The time to be spent doing chores every day.


I'll pester my children when they are on the phone.
As long as they're busy I won't leave them alone.



I'll hide candy in closets, rocks in a drawer,
And never pick up my clothes from the floor.



Dash off to the movies and not wash a dish.
I'll plead for allowance whenever I wish.



I'll stuff up the plumbing and deluge the floor.
As soon as they've mopped it I'll flood it some more.




And when they correct me, I'll lie down and cry,
Kicking and screaming, not a tear in my eye.


I'll take all their pencils and flashlights, and then
When they buy new ones, I'll take them again.




I'll spill glasses of milk to complete every meal,
Eat my banana and just drop the peel.


Put toys on the table, spill jam on the floor,
I'll break lots of dishes as though I were four.


What Fun I shall have, what Joy it will be
to live with my children....



- the way they lived with me!

I don't think a truer story has ever been told. That reminds me of life around here every day. I can never ever find one of my pens when I need them. I can almost never have a phone conversation unless the kids are at school.

Boy does this bring joy knowing that I get to repay them someday. lol



By the way, Thanks Mohala for all the daily smiles you bring.


__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

Summer Classes for Men at...
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Friday, August 31, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

Here's a cute and short one.


Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it.

The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.

I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.

After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.

Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.

Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper.

The artist assures me it is a turkey.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline.

Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.

They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.

We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers.

This will not be happening at our dinner.

For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.

It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm, tasty bread.

Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.

You will still have a choice, though: take it or leave it. Thought you might all enjoy.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.

I am thankful.




__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

That was hilarious. I have got to borrow that one. lol

This One Is Short But Cute Also




I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.

A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.

So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

lol.

She was being thorough.


__________________
Trina Miller
MyRazzles Staff

I thought this one was so cute. At first I thought this has only one ending but then, well you'll just have to read it and see for yourself.


Butlers Nite Off
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.

As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.

As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.

She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said."Take off my dress." He did this carefully."Jerves," she continued." Take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her. "Jerves," she then said. "Remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.

She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

Mole Family



A papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole all live together

in a little mole hole.




One day, papa mole sticks

his head

out of the hole, sniffs the air

and said,

"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"



The mama mole sticks her head

out of the hole,

sniffs the air and said,

"Oh, Yum! I smell honey!"

Now baby mole is trying

to stick his head

out of the hole to sniff the air,
but can't

because the bigger moles

are in the way.

This makes him whine,

"Geez, all I can smell is...


MOLASSES!

(Yes, you know you're gonna pass it on!)