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 Feeling emotionally drained lol

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Scarlet
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Fri Jan 22, 2010 6:55 am

Thanks, everyone! I'm feeling so much better since that situation. I've been keeping busy and getting into my gaming addiction sure does help. lol

Thanks for all the support. I truly appreciate it. Smile
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Shamashe
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Fri Jan 08, 2010 3:51 pm

Hi Scarlet, I completely agree with Mohala, removing yourself from the line of fire is a wise choice. I view these things like a storm - eventually the turmoil blows itself out and the storm passes. I wish you well with this issue and hope a mutually acceptable conclusion is eventually reached. All the best!
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mohala
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:17 am

Im glad you are feeling a little better today Scarlet. Look at things this way for a moment if you will.You have removed yourself from the negative part of the situation. So now Sarah will have no one to provoke or argue with anymore so, who's the winner here. Now Sarah will have to Build A Bridge and Get Over It, now that she doesn't have you around to attack anymore. And if she wants to have a good relationship with you in the furture she will definitely have to start building that bridge. I think you did the right thing by stepping out of the line of fire for now. Your humbly stepping out of the way is a wise decision. Good girl.

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Scarlet
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:06 am

Thanks, everyone. Things are slightly better today although I still get the sense that they're a bit tense. It's just a feeling that I have and 9 times out of 10, my feelings have served me correctly. I'll see if I can make the situation clearer. If we're to compare this to a forum, I'll say that Sarah and I are mods so we're equal in that aspect. However, we have (and the past few days have made this abundantly clear) very different ways of doing our jobs. I tend to be relaxed and carefree but yet follow the rules while Sarah tends to be more strict and although she doesn't admit it, she doesn't like listening to the opinions of others.

I'm not sure if that makes more sense but anyway...The situation is slightly better because one of the admins finally did step in to try to diffuse the situation. He was neutral which was fair. At that point, I would have been happy to have let this go and move on except that I feel that Sarah is not sorry for her actions at all and I'll explain why. 1. She never apologized to me for at least making attacks at me. I'd hope that a human being would, even if he/she wasn't sure what they had done that could be offensive. I always tried to find a middle ground with Sarah but with her, it was like, "Everything is Scarlet's fault." I can see why one of my friends called her crazy. lol But at this point, I'm not going to apologize to her again because I feel emotionally exhausted and I feel that whatever I say, even if it's something harmless, is going to be taken completely out of context and the last thing I want again is a fresh round of arguments. lol 2. She started a new issue about one of the admins' policies. It sounds to me like Sarah isn't happy with it and wants to change it. Maybe it's just me and the way I was raised but if someone does that to a boss, older family member, etc., I consider that disrespectful.

So at this point, the only thing I could do (which I did just before coming here) was to email the admins and let them know that I'm taking a break from the forum for a while. I just feel too tired to join in a new round of fighting and I suppose I feel some fear as well-that whatever I may say in the future will automatically be construed by Sarah to mean something negative against her when it's not.

I hope I did the right thing and although my nerves still feel frazzled, I'm slightly feeling better today. Smile
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Shamashe
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Wed Jan 06, 2010 10:04 pm

Hi Scarlet, I'm so sorry you're having difficulty with this. And I agree with what countrybelle has said about letting it roll off - sometimes easier said that done to be sure, but still... Good that you could be so clear while venting.

I have a few of extra thoughts that may or may not apply. I only say them as a possible emotional balm. Sometimes a very different point of view can pop the bubble of emotional pain - so here goes.

First, I don't know what you believe in, but it may interest you to know that according to astrology type information, there is a great deal of this sort of emotional chaos going on right now (Mercury Retrograde), lots of unexpected miscommunication and misrepresentations, you are not alone with this sort of thing, I've been hearing it from my clients as well (I'm a life coach) and I've even been bitten by it. This pattern started a couple of weeks ago and will trickle out until the 15th. Also, there's an element of wanting to go forward with things, but feeling held back and general frustration about it, sometimes resulting in unusual agressiveness or upset (Mars retrograde) check out traffic if you don't believe this! This started around Christmas and will go into mid-March (20th). If you are interested, you can PM me. This is not saying it's what's happening, just a possibility.

Second, another possibility is what's called "projection" - where someone projects something onto you that may or may not even apply. Often this is "parent" inseminated (pardon the pun) attitude. Often a representation of fear or hurt or lack of something. So without the psycho-babble, it means that someone is hypersensitive to anything that seems similar to a real or perceived situation in which they already feel disempowered or sensitive and therefore they reactively take it out on whoever or whatever triggers it. Again, I don't know if this applies, but it's very common.

A Third thought is one of looking in a mirror, sort of. Sometimes stuff can surface because it's something you personally have an issue with and may need or want to work with in your life - someone usually shows up to press the button for you and create a need for a change. I'm not saying this is happening with you, but maybe "Sarah" is having it happen in her life - in which case, maybe you have actually served as a positive force for her, even though it may not look that way. Who knows! remember the saying "the only person actively seeking change is a wet baby" :-))

So those are my thoughts. I hope you are feeling better by now and that this situation (for everybody) clears itself immediately. I send you my well wishes!

P.S. Maybe you could ask for this to be resolved in your dreams tonight? Good Luck and many blessings! sunny
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countrybelle2004
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PostSubject: Re: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:20 am

I have some thoughts for you, though I'm not sure if "Sarah" is the one who was the original attacker or if she was the one who was attacked in the beginning...and that makes a world of difference in my thoughts.

Generally speaking, Scarlet, there's one in every bunch, in every office, in every class, in every forum..you get the idea. Ours here is ....ok we don't have one here. (That didn't help my case, did it?) Just Kidding, trying to make you smile. We are a small group and we are lucky so far. But truly there is one in every group that has to be the class trouble maker.

As an administrator, sometimes you have to bite the bullet. Even if you did nothing wrong, your job is be a peacemaker. I'm not saying you should fall down and beg for mercy when you did nothing wrong. But perhaps something more general. Such as, " There has been a lot of misunderstanding and anger going on here. I feel that I may have contributed to it inadvertently. While I thought I was trying to help cool down the situation it seems I may have just added to it. We are all here because we love each other and want to be here. We need to remember that. I apologize to anyone who feels attacked or upset due to my words. I love you all, and I'll talk to you all soon. Then LOCK the thread! Or if you can't then do NOT look at that thread again. Pretend it does not exist and that the problem was solved and address the members on other threads as though nothing ever happened.

Something general like that. You can if you feel you were wrong go in and say your sorry, you messed up, your only human and make mistakes...etc. But that's IF you feel you were wrong. If you decide you were wrong in handling it, then say so. People will respect you more for being able to admit you were wrong. But if you were not, sometimes you have to take the initiative and bite the bullet to create peace.




As for "Sarah"...If she was the one who was attacked originally then she is still upset about the original event and can't let it go. If she is the one who did the attacking and then tried to make up for it and is now all over the board with craziness...I'm not sure. Maybe she feels that in the process to make amends others were putting her down. It does not sound like that, but one feels and perceives things differently.

Is she an admin also? If not, you can not undermine her. By giving you grief and attacking you, she is undermining your authority. If she is an admin, and was trying to solve a problem and you jumped in....she's right, you are undermining her.


Without more information all I can give you is general advice and suggestions to go with your problem as I understood it. (It's entirely possible that I did not understand correctly. In that event, ignore all this chatter I have written. LOL)




Either way, let it roll like water on a duck's back. You can always pm me if you want to be more detailed and maybe I can better help.
I understand the privacy thing. We have noone here to worry about, but you also never know who will show up and when.
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Scarlet
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PostSubject: Feeling emotionally drained lol   Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:59 am

Hi everyone,

First, I wanted to apologize for not coming here as often as I wished to. I really have wanted to but I have been busier than I thought I would be. I knew that this month would either be extremely busy or extremely free and I guess it was the former. lol Work has kept me busy and I'm taking a new foreign language class. My online time has been spent on Facebook, my mod duties on Sandlot, and my admin duties on my friend's forum. Whatever time I've had left, I've been gaming, as some can see by my posts for Avenue Flo. lol

Anyway, I guess I need to rant and just let all of this out. I'm not sure what to do and I could use some advice. I can't really go into a lot of details about this but I'll do my best to describe what's going on.

A couple of days ago, one of my colleagues posted a thread (so yes, this is an online situation lol) regarding how bad he felt on how he treated a member although it was more of a misunderstanding than anything else so I do understand that. I posted my thoughts regarding that and then another colleague did. So then one would think that would be the end. But then the other colleague (I'll call her Sarah, for anonymity purposes) decided to address the offended member publicly which I felt only made the situation worse. I understand that sometimes people have a bad day and they just need to cool off, etc. It happens to us all, I think. Now Sarah didn't consult the rest of us before addressing this member. If she had, I would have advised against addressing that member and just letting the situation cool off. If it got worse (which it hadn't up until then), then we'd deal with the situation as best fits.

So I went ahead and addressed her about it but I was polite and civil regarding the matter. I'm not exactly sure what happened next but then Sarah starts making attacks at me, accusing me of undermining what her and the other colleagues were doing with some of my past actions. She used the word "undermining" as it is exactly and last time I checked, it had a negative meaning, unless someone can tell me otherwise. lol She was pointing things out that I had done two or more weeks ago. Now I don't know why she felt the need to bring up old things when if she had had any issue with them in the beginning (which she later did say she had), why didn't she bring it up then rather than now? It made me wonder if she was upset because she thought that I would agree with her actions when I clearly didn't. But in no way did I ever attack her-just simply gave my opinion on the matter since I knew the action had already been done and couldn't be undone.

There was confusion on our policies of handling things and so I decided to email the higher-ups to ask them what their policy was. Now they told me that they happened to agree with my view on things-that they wanted members to feel welcome and not scared off by too many rules, enforcements, etc. So then I showed that email to the rest of my colleagues and added a comment to explain why I felt the way that I did, as Sarah continued to make attacks against me before I received that email. I may have been defensive in the matter but honestly, I did feel attacked and had she approached me in a more civil, polite manner, I wouldn't have taken such offense to her actions.

Now today is where things just exploded. At this point, I was so sick and tired of arguing with her and I publicly said this. I apologized if what I had told her was cause for misinterpretation (although she read things into my words that I never said lol) and that to be fair, both sides were at fault. I wanted to end this argument and continue moving on from it. Now I think most reasonable sane people would have been ok with that and agreed to do so. However, Sarah then had to make some backbiting comment at me, saying how my comment was mean and nasty and that I should admit that it was. Now I was at the point of crying (and yes, adults do cry lol) because I honestly couldn't think of a thing that I did to her to deserve such a hurtful attack. It was obvious that she made what I did-which is disagreeing with her-a personal issue. I don't know if she's one of those who expect everyone in the world to agree with her although I'm starting to think that might be the case. lol The only reason I could come up with for her actions is that either 1. I did disagree with her and she just didn't like that or 2. The higher-ups sided with me on the above issue and Sarah didn't like that. So I talked to one of my friends earlier about this and she was shocked that this happened and wondered if Sarah was insane or something. lol I went ahead and emailed the higher-ups regarding Sarah and what she had done regarding the attacks on me and provided them with all of the evidence and such. Sarah doesn't know that I have reported her because I'm fearful of what might happen if she finds out. I'm afraid of more mud-slinging from her. All I can do is wait to see what the higher-ups have to say and hopefully, they can resolve this issue.

So I guess this was mostly a rant but I'd like to know if there was possibly anything I did wrong that would deserve such attacks. I think I gave as much info as I could and oh, I should point out that whenever I did make a valid argument, she'd try to deflect to something else.

Any thoughts on this would be great. Thanks.
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Feeling emotionally drained lol
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